Post by bethany danica moinly. on Jul 24, 2009 16:17:38 GMT
WELCOME TO HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCH
CRAFT AND WIZARDRY. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
-----------------------------------------------welcome to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.
i’m sure you’ve opened this little letter expecting something about how we’re all facing the next threat from a dark wizard, or that voldemort’s back and eviler than ever, or that the boy who lived is now dead and we’re all extremely screwed? well, dear, don’t worry. we have no problems like that.
the year’s 2009. we’re in the golden age of wizardry. no dark wizards – nobody trying to be the next voldemort or grindelwald – the statute of secrecy is remaining unbroken, witches and wizards from around the world are receiving an education, and, most surprisingly, the ministry is actually doing their job correctly. there’s just one small problem.
hogwarts is fucked up.
no, we don’t have a death eater as headmaster – headmaster scar’s as far from a death eater as you can get, he worked for the order in the last war before he took the post of headmaster after mcgonagall retired. we’re talking about what happened when the 21st century rolled around. you see, the students of hogwarts back in harry potter’s age differ so greatly from the students today. the youth of the wizarding world have changed so much – suddenly, muggle things are the newest trend. we love their technology, their clothes, everything. but, in addition to that…well, we don’t really care about our education that much. it’s more of…well, a party to us.
drugs rule the school now – we’ve got cokeheads wandering around, people smoking weed in bongs, cigarette butts littering the entrance hall. vodka and tequila are the new replacements for pumpkin juice. and sex? well, let’s just say you should always knock before you enter a room.
hogwarts’s reputation has been thrown straight into the fucking trash. and guess what? nobody gives a shit. the teachers are trying, and so is headmaster scar, but they’ve gotten nothing done yet. after all, how can you give detention to the entire school? and if you do, they’re never coming out, because let’s face it – it’s way too much fun to ever stop. sex, drugs, and rock and roll is now the story of hogwarts. or, as it’s been nicknamed by some critics, school of scar. because after all – this isn’t hogwarts. this is the extremely fucked up version of hogwarts, and everyone’s blaming headmaster scar for it.
you want to find who you should blame? then look at yourselves. you can come to the school hoping you’re going to get an education – you’re going to leave with a drunk girl wrapped around you dragging you to the nearest compartment on the hogwarts express to end your year with a bang.
with all due respect,
bethany danica moinly
ravenclaw quidditch captain
ps: the ravenclaw quidditch captain wrote this letter instead of the head girl because she’s drunk and fucking the head boy. again.
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